Congrats

When I started this adoption journey I found a great blog run by two really great people! The more I read their blog the more I found that we had a lot in common. They had started the adoption journey very close to the same time I had. We were using the same agency for an Ethiopian adoption. And the most exciting part to me was that we were both accepted about a month apart so I thought maybe we could possible travel to Ethiopia together.

Well we won't be traveling together but boy I wanna celebrate with them because Bethany and Jeff got their referral for a wonderful little boy! They have a great referral story so you will have to go over and visit them and check it out. I'm so thrilled for them. They are going to be amazing parents. They are so blessed to have this little man and he is so blessed to have them.

And before anyone asks this does not mean I'm close to the end of my wait for a baby from Ethiopia. Bethany and Jeff made the great decision to open their age range and that is why they got a referral now. I'm continuing to wait for an infant 0-12 months which means that I have at least another 8 months probably longer. I also have heard nothing new on the domestic adoption side either. So while I wait I'm glad I can celebrate the blessings of friends!

I'm Alive

Yes my blogging buddies I'm alive. I've just been horribly busy. My job has been crazy hectic, I've been sick, and I just finished up another semester of grad school. Fun times! If I ever go awhile without posting you can always visit me at my other blog Hunna's Happenings. Since I've had that blog the longest I do tend to post there almost every day.

So adoption wise I have very little to report. I'm still just waiting away. I keep praying for a Christmas baby. Maybe it will happen. If not I'd love a January baby or a February baby and heck March is a good month so that would work too. Okay let's get real I'm just hoping a baby shows up someday soon.

Since a baby hasn't shown up at my house I've started using the nursery as holiday central. I still go in the nursery to pray in the mornings. That calms me. But I've found that the nursury is a good place to store gifts. So it's filled with presents right now. I've also found that the changing table is a perfect height to wrap presents. No pain the back this year! And the crib stores wrapping paper wonderfully. I've slid all the rolls of wrapping paper through the slats on the crib and it works great. I can see what I have and how much. And it doesn't get all wrinkled up in a box or fall over on the floor.

So that's what's up in my world. No baby but lots of holiday prep. I hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season. Most of all I hope that you all get your little ones home soon!!!

Thanksgiving

This post is cross posted from my other blog
Hunna's Happenings....

Wow Thanksgiving was great this year. On Thursday, Heather and I went to have Thanksgiving with my Dad's side of the family and we had a wonderful time. We played a game called Fact or Crap and we laughed like crazy. Fun game but lots of crap! :-) The family time was fun and I was ready for some laughing so that made me very thankful!

Friday I headed to Tulsa for Thanksgiving with my Mom's side of the family. Again I had a wonderful time. The food was amazing the family was great and I did lots more laughing. I already posted about the fun with Parker. Well there was fun to be had with lots of people, not just the Amazing PMan. My cousin Todd and his wife Sara were able to come in from Chicago. Their little boy Elliot is just adorable and his sister Evelyn so "pretty". She has great self esteem for a 2 year old. This was the first time I've seen Elliot in person and he is 10 months now. He looks just like his Daddy.

I really had a great time with my family. It's very hard for me to leave them. I cried when I left today and I cried when they called to check on me as I was driving home. I just love them so much. What is really great is that when I am with them I feel like my mom is around a little bit. It's funny how much I crave being with them because I feel her but then leaving them makes me miss her more. It's just hard to love so much because then the leaving is hard. But it won't be long till I'll see them again.

Here are some pics I got over the weekend. Too many cute kids. I'm so hoping that next year I'll have a little one to have pictures of too. I can't wait for my baby to meet all my family. Whatever baby I get will be so loved.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Adoption Photography

A friend of mine told me about a great photography program called Celebrating Adoption. This program is made up of photographers throughout the US that donate their time to photograph families that have adopted a child within the last 12 months. The photographer will do a photo session for free and you will get one free set of photographs! How cool is that. The website I've linked to above has all of the details and some great sample photos for you to enjoy. They have a list of photographers from every state that are participating and are willing to donate their time to help celebrate new families. I'm so excited about this and can't wait to take part once I bring a little one home. I hope that some of you can get some great family photos taken too. If you've ever done this let me know. I'd love to know what it was like.

Family

I have a really big family that is very supportive of my adoption plans. They all get really psyched about anything though. We like to celebrate things. It's just what we do. And we have something very exciting to celebrate now. My brother Shawn, his lovely wife Amanda and my beautiful niece Mattie are moving home in a couple of weeks!

They have been living about 10 hours away for quite awhile now. About 2 years ago they started talking about wanting to move home. But Amanda had a rough pregnancy with Mattie and they didn't want to move until after Mattie was born and they have had a horrible time of trying to get their house sold. But Shawn had a job interview here for a local company and got the job. So they will be moved here by December 1st.

I'm so thrilled that they will be close by. Mattie is 10 months old now and such a joy to be around. They were here all weekend and it's nice to know that it will only be a few weeks before I see them again rather than a few months! I'm so excited that Mattie and my future children will get to grow up together. And the best part is that Amanda will be available to do daycare for my baby so I won't have to worry about finding someone. That makes me feel a lot better. In a perfect world I'd get to stay home with my baby. But someone has to pay the bills. So having family do the daycare is the next best thing for me.

I love it when things fall into place.

Adoption Journey Blog Carnival

The second edition of the Adoption Journey Blog Carnival begins today. I would like to thank everyone that participated this time around. I hope you enjoy the carnival! Please take the time to visit the participates and learn more about their adoption journey.

Leisa presents Why Adoption...Why Ethiopia... posted at An Aussieopian Family.

Jenny Alicea presents Can I play? posted at The Journey.

Lisa Merritt presents Dreaming of Sara posted at Russian Mafia Babe.

Jenny presents Halloween in the Philippines posted at Leap Of Faith.

Marcie presents The Dress posted at A Child Chosen.

Pickel presents Wait for it... posted at My Two Boys.

Kelli presents Unbelievable posted at Loving Mom seeks Vietnamese Prince or Princess.

Jocelyn presents She is So Big and Of Course So Cute!!! posted at My Ethiopian Princess.

Jessie presents Adoption Month posted at Hunna's Happening's.

The next adoption journey blog carnival will be on December 1st. If you are interested in hosting please contact me. Thanks!

Last Chance

The Adoption Journey Blog Carnival will be here on November 1st. So this is the last chance to get posts submitted if you would like to participate. To submit a post please look at the widget on the right and click on the submit an article link. Then you just fill in the info! Please submit your articles before 10:00 p.m. on October 31st.

Let's have a fun carnival!!!

Waiting Is My Game!

Well Miss N delivered a very healthy baby boy yesterday. She and the baby are doing very well. The paternity tests show that the baby is her husbands and they will be parenting him. So no baby for me right now but I'm really okay. I'm not just a little okay, I'm not just saying I'm okay. I really am okay! I knew going into this situation that there were many unknowns and a big risk and that helped. I really feel like this has been a great experience. Meeting her was wonderful and a fun time. And meeting the folks at a new agency is a good thing. Now that they know me I know they will keep me in mind for other situations so that is always good!

So no crying this time! That's a good thing. It could always be worse. And now I'm back to waiting which I'm getting good at. I'm learning all the time and I really feel like I'm growing through this process. All of this is going to make me a really super mom one day! I know God has some great plan and I'm just so excited to see it unfold one day soon.

Labor Pains

I met with the expectant mom on Friday. She is also Miss N. I think it's so funny that every expectant mom I match with has a name that starts with N. I guess it's consistent right...

She is a really funny girl. She has a great sense of humor. She is also incredibly smart and concerned about making a plan for her child's future. She asked me some of the best questions. And she told me a lot about her that she would want the child to know. She has put a lot of thought into her plan and seems really mature beyond her years to me.

She started having contractions during our meeting so we thought the baby might make a debut over the weekend. Her contractions were four minutes apart but after a trip to the hospital they stopped. So the waiting game continues. She is just miserable and really ready to have this little person. If she doesn't have him naturally by Tuesday then they will induce her Tuesday morning.

Hopefully I will be able to give you all some good news soon!

Nervous

I've got butterflies in my tummy as I type. I'm so so nervous to even blog about this because I'm afraid I will jinx it. But I blog about everything and I'm not gonna let my nerves stop me now.

I've been talking with the adoption agency for the past week and there is an expectant mother that has decided she would like for me to possibly adopt her baby. It's a strange situation actually. The baby is due on Friday and after the baby is born there needs to be a paternity test done. The paternity test will determine if we can move forward with an adoption plan. So while my last adoption was 50/50 this one is even more risky. But I feel good and hopeful and open to whatever this situation holds. I actually feel pretty calm about it. I have faith that God knows the plan and is in control and I'm just along for the ride...

What I'm most nervous about is the let down if it doesn't work out. Not the let down for me but for the people that care about me. I hate disappointing them so I'm hoping that things work out so I don't have to call them and say oh never mind... I hate that part!

So anyways that's the deal. We will see what the future holds. If you are a praying person I wouldn't mind if you said a little one for me...

Panic in my Heart

I had a meeting at work on Friday morning that started at 9:00 and lasted till 11:00. Well when I got out of the meeting and went to my office my cell phone was beeping at me. I flipped it open and see 7 missed calls all from one of the adoption agencies I've talked with. So of course I scream and call them back.

It seems they have a potential situation that they want to present my profile on and wanted my permission. The expectant mom is due soon so they were in a hurry to get it shown and that's why they called so many times. I told them it would be fine to show the profile. I also explained to the social worker that I appreciated her being so diligent but in the future if it's just a maybe or a I wanna show your profile call she should only call twice. When I see seven missed calls I'm convinced that she is on the way to my house with a baby and it strikes panic in my heart.

She laughed like crazy and promised not to do that in the future. She actually said it didn't cross her mind that I would think that. That silly gal. Of course it is rational to freak out and immediately think a baby is coming when there are more than five calls. :-)

Adoption Journey Blog Carnival

I'm now accepting submissions for the second Adoption Journey Blog Carnival. All you need to do is submit a post through the blog carnival widgit on the right hand side of my blog. After you do that please put a post on your blog telling others about the carnival and how to enter. We had 15 submissions last time so for the November 1st carnival I'd love to see 20. I'd also like to see some posts adoptees, first families, siblings of adopted children, etc. We didn't have any of those entries last time and it would be cool to include them and show all sides of adoption. Hope you all have time to enter!

Cool Blog, Cool Family

I found a really great blog today! I stumbled upon it, thought I'd read the most recent posts and then come back to visit again. Well before I knew it an hour had past and I had read months worth of posts. I was HOOKED! This family really touched my heart. Someday I hope that I have a home filled with children like they do. So please go visit too by clicking here.

The Plan

Bethany asked me awhile back in a comment what adoption plan I'm currently on. Lord knows I've tried about everything at this point right. So she and everyone else can pray with some specifics here is the run down.

I'm still on the wait list with my international agency for an Ethiopia adoption. This is where I started and I still feel a strong connection to Ethiopia and this path. Right now I'm like 5 1/2 months waiting with that agency. The wait time for families requesting either gender 12 months or younger is running 14 months. I figure by the time I would get close to the top of the list it would be about 16/17 months. Just trying to be realistic.

I am also open to a private domestic adoption. If you have read my blog for long you will know I had a failed domestic adoption in July. While that was hard I really enjoyed that process. I loved getting to know Miss N and I so loved being able to be there when Roman was born, holding him, loving him, getting to meet him right away. While there was heart break involved it was part of my process and I have no regrets. If another domestic situation appeared I would not pass it down! However, I'm not currently involved with any particular agency regarding that plan. Several agencies around Kansas have my information and present it to expectant families but no real plan or match exists at this time.

As far as pursuing a pregnancy at this time it's just not an option. My health is not stable enough for that. While my diabetes is in better control my kidneys are not functioning at a capacity that would be healthy during a pregnancy. The risk of losing one or both kidneys is just to great. However, that does not mean that someday in the future I wouldn't be willing to revisit the idea. I'm really trying to get healthy! I'm following a healthy diet, exercising, and taking all my meds even thought I HATE them and the side effects. My goal is not to end up getting well enough to attempt a pregnancy. My goal is to develop a healthy plan so I can be the best mother I can be.

Honestly I don't care if I adopt from Ethiopia or from the US. I want to bring a baby home. Most of all I want to raise a child that God has planned for me. I know that he is working on preparing me and a baby for one another. I don't know where that little baby is right now but I have complete faith that someday they will end up living in my house and my heart...

So that's where I'm at. Pray away my friends!

Tagged

Bethany tagged me with this and I just love to play along so here goes...

Jobs I've had:

Fast food worker- In High School
Telemarketer- In High School
Assistant at a Drug Treatment Facility
Adoption Coordinator for Children in Foster Care
Family Support Worker for Children in Foster Care
Aftercare Specialist for children just getting out of Foster Care
Permanency Supervisor for Foster Care/Adoption

The last three were promotions within the same company. I've been there awhile now...

Places I've Lived

Kansas
Kansas
Kansas

I don't move....

Food I love

Mexican
Chinese
Ice cream
Cheesy Potatoes
Spaghetti
Bread

No wonder my butt is so big...

Places I'd rather be

No where. I'm pretty pleased with where I'm at.

Favorite TV Shows

Grey's Anatomy
ER
Private Practice
The Biggest Loser
American Idol
Days of Our Lives
Dr. Phil
Journey Man
Army Wives

Okay I watch way to much TV!!!

Books I love!

This Much I Know Is True
To Kill A Mockingbird
Out of the Wild
What Crazy Looks Like On An Ordinary Day
Anything by James Patterson, Stephan King, Dean Koontz, or Patricia Cornwell

People I'm Tagging

Anyone that wants to play along.

Outgoing Mail

When Miss N had baby Roman I promised her that I would send her copies of all the pictures I took that day. When I got home without Roman I wasn't sure exactly what to do with them. I couldn't just delete them, I couldn't put them up somewhere around the house, and I didn't know if I should contact her to mail them. Well now that time has passed and I'm tired of looking at the package sitting on my desk I am mailing them out to her tomorrow. I'm sending all the pictures including the one's with Heather and I in them. I figure she can decide what to do with them now. I just feel like if I made the promise I need to follow through regardless of how the situation turned out.

So this is the note I put in the card with the pictures.

"Miss N-

Here are copies of all the pictures I took the day the baby was born. I promised to send them to you and I do apologize for the delay. I wish I could have spoken to you at the hospital and told you good bye. I hate that things were left the way they were. I'm so blessed that you included Heather and I in such a miracle. What a beautiful baby boy. I'm blessed that I was able to watch his debut into the world. I have a feeling he will do great things. I think of you, little C, and the baby often. I pray that you all are well. Best wishes to each of you in the future.

Much Love
Jessie"

So that's it. I don't know if she will respond or not. In fact I don't need a response. I just needed some closure. While I still miss Roman I also really miss Miss N. She and I spent much time on the phone getting to know one another. I miss knowing her. She really is a marvelous girl. And I do pray for them and think of them often. I so hope that they are doing okay and have the support they need. This world has been tough on Miss N and I pray that things are easing and she is well.

What do you think? Do you think it's okay to send the pics? Do you think I'm overstepping my bounds? I don't know the rules for this type of thing and I'm just playing along in the best way I know how...

Baby Baby

There are little babies everywhere in my world right now. Several of my friends are expecting and we are planning their baby showers. And one of my friends just had a beautiful little boy last week. He is so adorable and snuggly. We think he is a keeper. All these little people arriving into the world makes me so excited to bring a little person home. I look forward to having my child be surrounded by other children close in age. The fact that so many of my friends are having kids is nice. It means I'll always have a parenting buddy. I figure if they have their chidlren first then I can always seek them out for advice. And in the mean time I have lots of little ones to hold and practice with. Fun times!

Visiting Friends

I would encourage all of you to head over to Mommy Monsters, Inc. This is a really fun blog. For those of you that had fun with my carnival Heidi will be hosting another blog carnival on her blog. It should be fun. I've already signed up and I'm looking forward to visiting that carnival as well as hosting another one here on Novemeber 1st. It's carnival crazy folks!

What I Didn't Know

Man when I started this adoption journey I was so naive. And I work in child welfare and I'm adopted. I should have known better. But I really thought this would all start and I would get the perfect match and I'd paint a nursery and buy cute clothes and then in no time at all a wonderful little baby would be in my arms.

There are so many things I didn't know. I didn't know how much paperwork was involved... I didn't know how many people were involved, social workers, references, facilitators, etc... I didn't know how much frustration, agony, tears, and heart ache were involved... I didn't know how much money and time and energy would be spent....

But most of all I didn't know how strong I was. I didn't know I was strong enough to do this. I didn't know I could wait like this. I didn't know how supportive my friends and family would be. I didn't know how much faith I would have to put in God and how much peace I would find in prayer. I didn't know how many great people were out there that I would get to know and care about. I didn't know how much I wanted to be a mom. The lengths we go to in this journey to parenthood. I'm glad I didn't know what this would be like. I'm glad I was naive. I'm glad I'm doing this with so many other people.

Adoption Journey Blog Carnival: Edition 1

"The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. "-

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The journey of adoption is always long and often bumpy. For those of us on that journey our friends and family are a huge support! Many of us have been fortunate to find support from others on the journey through blogs. To celebrate that I started this blog carnival as a way to connect with one another and get to know other adoption bloggers. I hope that you will take the time to visit one another, leave comments, share encouragement and come back to visit again!

"Sometimes its not the child we carry that belongs to us but the child we have in our hearts. "

-Pickel

Pickel presents USCIS, I Wish You Knew Me posted at My Two Boys.

Suzanne presents holding time posted at :: adventures in daily living ::.

William presents William & John's adoption story: What we've done so far... posted at William & John's adoption story.

Jenna presents The EpiBlog posted at The EpiBlog at InconceivableJourney.

"A Birthmother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart" Unknown

Dawn presents Family Found: Differences posted at Family Found.

Emily presents t-shirts posted at soli deo gloria.

Heidi presents When Moms Grieve: The Dark Side of Adoption posted at Mommy Monsters Inc..

Jocelyn presents Becoming Carey! posted at My Ethiopian Princess.

"Somehow destiny comes into play. These children end up with you and you end up with them. It's something quite magical." Nicole Kidman

Julie presents Happy BirthMother's Day!!! posted at My Journey to Family.

Katy presents Referral Shmeeshmerral posted at Straight Magic.

Kerri presents Attachment and a physics lesson posted at Kerri's journey to mommyhood.

Malía's Mama presents Mama... (entry # 280) posted at Journey to My Daughter (and as of March 19th, Journeying with my Daughter).

"I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him." -1 Samuel 1:27

Jeni presents Tim and Jeni's Ethiopian Adoption: first post! posted at Tim and Jeni's Ethiopian Adoption.

Jessie presents Home Sweet Home posted at Hunna's Happenings.

Jenny presents Adoption Fundraising posted at Days of My Life as a WAHM.

I hope that you have enjoyed the carnival. The next Adoption Journey Carnival will take place on Novemeber 1st. It will be hosted here unless someone else would like to host it on their blog. If you are interested in hosting please feel free to contact me. To submit an article for the next carnival please enter it here. Thanks again for visiting and best wishes in your adoption journey!!!

Full of Hope

This week has been one of the best weeks since I've been home from Louisiana. The waiting this go around has been horrible until this week. When I was in church on Sunday my mind was wandering. I was thinking and worrying about all the adoption stuff. Then I kinda snapped back to the sermon right when pastor was talking about how when we sit in church and worry it's like not trusting that good will take care of those worries for us. It helped me so much to hear that. All week whenever I've started to worry or get anxious about the adoption thing I've just reminded myself that God is taking care of it. God is preparing me for motherhood and he is preparing a child for me. It has given me such peace and so much hope. I'm so thankful that my worries are easing some and there is a quiet in the storm of my mind.

Adoption Blog Carnival

There are so many great adoption blogs out there. I've been lucky to find so many great ones. But I've searched and searched to find them. So I thought it might be kind of fun to start and adoption blog carnival to help meet new bloggers and get to know more about one another.

If you have never taken part in a blog carnival have no fear! It's painless and actually lots of fun. If you look on the sidebar of my blog you can see a little link box that will direct you to the blog carnival site so you can enter your blog in the carnival. What you do is select a post from your blog to have in the carnival. It can be any post you want as long as it is about adoption.

After you have entered the carnival please put a post on your blog letting your readers know about the carnival and how to enter themselves. Then on the day of the carnival you can come back here to my blog and you will see a lovely little blog carnival of links to some great adoption blogs. Well hopefully there will be a lovely list. We have to get folks to enter first.

So please take the time to enter and encourage your readers to also. Maybe we can make some new adoption friends and find some support as we move forward in our adoption journeys.

Best wishes!

Jessie

Oh the first adoption blog carnival will be on October 1st. Please enter your submissions no later than the last day of September.

Long Time No Post

It's been awhile since I posted last. There really isn't much to report so that is why. I'm still just waiting. Waiting for the phone to ring. Waiting for a baby to arrive. I'm not such a big fan of waiting but I'm hanging in there.

I've been going into the nursery this week which is a new thing. Originally when I got home from Louisiana without the baby I just put all the baby stuff in there and shut the door. I didn't open it for weeks. But this week I have started going in there to sit and pray. It calms me down now and helps me focus on what is important. It's a very calm and peaceful room which makes me feel good. I know that some little person will find solace there some day. Let's hope it's a day real soon okay!

Good Advice

From now on when I can't decide what to do about something I'm posting about it and I'm just taking advice from you all. You all are the best! Miss Bethany left me a comment that made my blood pressure go back in the normal range and left me feeling so much calmer about my situation.

So like Bethany says I'm taking a day I'm taking a breath and I'll figure it out. I've decided that I'm just going to spend the next week in prayer and wait for the answers to come to me.

Decision Making

I'm really struggling with making a decision about how to proceed in this crazy journey towards motherhood. I had an appointment with my diabetes doctor last week and she feels like I'm on track in getting my blood sugar down. But she thinks it needs to be down and stable at least 6 months before I attempt artificial insemination. Even then she is not optimistic that I will be able to maintain a pregnancy if I would get pregnant.

So I really feel like adoption is the right path for me. Now I'm just struggling with what route to take with that. I can't decide if I should go back to my original plan of an Ethiopian adoption or stick with the domestic route and try to get rematched. I like the fact that there is less to worry about with an Ethiopian adoption. There is a fairly clear timeline and there isn't the changing their mind dilemia. However, I like the fact that I can get a newborn through domestic and I like the idea of an open adoption.... So what to do what to do. It's hard to decide.

Any suggestions????

Good Egg

Well my eggs are good! I never thought I'd type that phrase. How funny! But seriously they are good. I have some in there. But my blood sugar is not so good. So now the yucky side effect med dosage is being increased and I have a lovely new diet to follow. I'm calling this diet "Nothing tastes better than being a mom". Maybe that will help me follow it. Basically is is low carb. Once I get my blood sugar in check he says we can try a round of clomid and artificial insemination and see what happens. I'm hoping that in the next six weeks I can get the sugars down and get back on track.

Things We Do

Oh the things we do in the quest for children. The new meds are kicking my butt! I have about every side effect listed on the bottle. I'm hoping it will pass soon and I'll just get some of the benefits instead of all the bad. I feel like crap. I also can't have any soda while I'm taking it so the caffeine withdrawal is making me psycho. My head hurts so bad and all I want to do is sleep or cry. Not off to such a great start. I have my follow-up appt. with the doctor tomorrow so hopefully he will give me some good news. I'd like to think the headaches and upset stomach were worth it.....

Not In My Dreams

You know when I was a little girl I dreamed of having a family. I thought I would marry some rich guy that would support me and a houseful of children. I figured I'd have five or six kids. I always thought I'd have some and adopt some and create some little UN family. I honestly never imagined that having one child would be so difficult.

I went to the doctor today and he seems to think that artificial insemination might work for me. I do have PCOS so he changed my diabetes meds around so that I'm on a med that will help with my blood sugar as well as my PCOS and ovulation. He is running lab work today and the results will be back for my appointment on Tuesday. We will meet then to decide what course of action we are going to take. I figure I will have to take some type of fertility drugs but we need to figure out where to start from first. Who would have ever guessed I'd be going through all this.

So now I get to work on picking a sperm donor! That's worse than dating!!! I have a wonderful catalog of people to choose from. Good times.

Lots of Stuff

When I first started this journey I said that I wasn't going to buy much baby stuff ahead of time. I swore I would just get the neccessities because I didn't want a house full of baby stuff and no baby. Well then as it got closer to the time of Roman's birth I bought more and more stuff. I decorated more and before I knew it I had created a very baby friendly home.

Now I have a bunch of baby stuff and no baby. I also have a nursery no baby and no guest room. So to make the wait and the heart ache a little easier all of the baby related items are crammed into the nursery. It is very full. And the door is closed. So I have a room full of stuff crammed almost to the ceiling but no baby items in other parts of the house. So it's working I suppose. Crazy!!!!

Good Day

Today was a good day. Not a perfect day. But a good day. I woke up in my own bed! That was wonderful!!! In the last 30 days I've only spent about 24 at home. It was splendid to sleep in my own bed. And I bought groceries today and I cooked a healthy meal and ate it at my table. That's wonderful! Things are looking up.

I spoke with the adoption agency today and told them to take me off hold and on rematch status. God doesn't close a door without opening another. So I need to unlock it and be ready so he can open the next one. I'm also doing some soul searching about some other options. I'm going to meet with my doctor next week and discuss some other options and see if he thinks that artificial insemination might work for me. I don't know that I want to take that route but I want more information.

So I move forward!

Jessie

Home Sweet Home

We are finally home. I've never been so happy to walk into my house! I swear I walked in the door and my stress level dropped considerably. I just feel safe here. The drive home with no baby was a bit of torture but now that I'm here it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I feel lonely and angry and sad and frustrated but also hopeful. This is a very rough bump in the road but it's not the end of the road. Being a mom is not something I want it is something that I'm destined for. I will be a mom. This week wasn't my time but nothing will stop me. I will have a baby and this is just a painful delay.

One thing I know for certain is that God does not make mistakes. There is some reason that Roman did not come home with me. It just wasn't our time. I don't know what other baby is out there but there is one and it's waiting for me. God will send the right baby my way. While Roman is a wonderful, beautiful, splendid little boy he is not my little boy. So I will wait, my heart will heal and I will be a better mother because of this in the future.

I'm off to enjoy a good nights sleep in my own bed!

Not My Son

Miss N has now decided that the best plan for Roman is for him to be adopted by her sister. Heather and I will be returning to Kansas alone tomorrow.

My Son Roman

This is my son Roman and I! Roman Keith arrived at 11:07 this morning and weighed 11 pounds 7 ounces. He is healthy and Miss N is healthy and I'm thrilled!

Almost There

Tomorrow morning at 5:30 they will be inducing Miss N. I can hardly stand it. We are so close now. Tomorrow I will meet my son for the first time and I can't wait!!! I just can't wait to look into his eyes for the first time and say hello. I just want to welcome him to the world. It's overwhelming and I'm just so ready. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight. I'll try to post some pictures of him as soon as I can.

Please pray that all goes well for Miss N and the baby and that they are both healthy and safe.

Attorneys

I spent the majority of the day on the phone with my attorneys. Lucky me I get two attorneys for this adoption and one legal coordinator. I have an attorney to represent me in Louisiana and another one that will handle everything on the Kansas end. And the lovely legal coordinator keeps both of them on track and handles the ICPC portion of the adoption. So we had a big conference call today to go over everything and make sure that everyone knows what is going on.

I'm starting to get excited and overwhelmed as the big day gets closer. The attorneys brought up many things I hadn't thought of. Some good some not so good. So now the wheels are turning in my head. I'm just ready for this little guy to get here so we can get home and start living rather than doing all this planning. I hate that a matter of the heart has to involve so many people and papers and red tape. I just wanna love this little guy and be done with it.

Never Ending

I really think that Miss N is having the longest pregnancy in history. Okay so maybe not the longest one. Maybe the truth of the matter is that I have no patience when it comes to waiting for baby. I just want to hold him and meet him and I want to do it yesterday. :-) But you can't rush babies...

The doctor has scheduled her to be induced on July 24th. So not much longer now right... This is the downhill slide. I'm just ready and Miss N is ready. But the 24th sounds like a great birthday right. My dad's birthday is the 26th so at least they will be close dates. We can do dual parties. That will be fun.

Pictures

While we wait for baby to arrive I thought I would share some photos with you from the nursery. My Dad and Heather and I worked hard to pull it all together. I love how it turned out... I think this little guy will be very cozy there.








I just love the bedding and furniture. I got the bedding months ago shortly after my mom died. I wasn't even looking for bedding at that time. Wasn't even planning for a baby yet and I was overwhelmed by this feeling that my mom was right there. I looked over and saw the bedding and realized I had to get it because it was the perfect combination of my mom and I. I love all things green and my mom loved elephants. So that was the right pick! I think it has turned out great in there. For the time being I also have the bears made out of my mom's clothes in the crib. I will take them out when the baby comes home but it makes me feel good to have them in the room. I want as much of her around my baby as possible.

Long Drive

Heather and I have made it to Louisiana safe and sound. Of course this little guy is stubborn and has decided to chill out and wait awhile longer. The contractions have slowed down for the time being which works out okay. That gives us time to get a good nights sleep tonight and we will be a little more prepared for his arrival. Right now we are so exhausted we wouldn't have been much good at the hospital tonight anyways. We are going to eat some dinner and then call it an early night.

Baby Time

Heather and I are heading to Lousiana now and it's the middle of the night. Babies don't have a time schedule. Hopefully the next time I post I'll be a mommy!!!

Miss N is moving right along. She had another doctor's appointment today and she is dilated 3 cm. This baby is going to make his arrival soon! It's so unreal to know that within the next week or so my little guy will be in the world! Last night when I couldn't sleep I went in the nursery and sat for awhile. I was trying to imagine what it will be like to peer over the crib and see him laying there. Right now it's just an empty bed and in awhile I will look over the edge and there he will be. My baby!

I don't know what it's like to be pregnant. I'm not sure how it feels as you prepare for that kind of arrival. All I know for sure is what this is like and it's very weird. It is hard to believe some days that I'm going to have a baby. I see all of his things and I'm planning for him but since I can't feel him it's hard to believe that it is real. It's also weird to not know where he is all the time. Today I was trying to get ahold of Miss N and couldn't reach her right away. I wasn't worried really it was more of a longing. Like I want to know that she and the baby are okay, what they are doing, where they are. It's so weird. But when a person is pregnant they know where their baby is. It's just so odd. Maybe I need to try to sleep a little more. I don't know... I'm just weird I suppose....

That's my world though... Weird...

Baby Boy

I went to Louisiana to meet Miss N in person and attend her sonogram. First she is wonderful! She is really a kind, funny, beautiful, and generous gal. We really had a great time hanging out and just talking. We laughed a lot and talked about a lot of things. She is a person if I just happened to meet somewhere I would want to be her friend so it made it very easy.

Her doctors appointment went great and the sonogram was AWESOME! I've seen sonograms before but never a sonogram of my baby so it was a whole different ballgame. She didn't want me to cry but as soon as I saw his little heart beating I couldn't hold back the tears. He is real and I feel in love with him at first sight. Oh and yes he is a BOY! I'm thrilled about that. He looks healthy and is already weighing 6 lbs and 4 oz. So he will be a big boy. Even though he isn't due until the 23rd the doctor is thinking that he may make an arrival around the 9th or 10th. The doc doesn't want him to get to much over 8lbs.

So the trip was wonderful, Miss N is wonderful and I'm feeling wonderful about all this. Meeting Miss N eased a lot of my concerns and according to her it eased a lot of her concerns too. As I was leaving to go to the airport she asked me if I was going to change my mind. That cracked me up. I pray that she won't change her mind and she is worried about me changing mine. She said that she was afraid I wouldn't like her and then wouldn't want the baby. I reassured her that I really like her and that I love the baby and their is no way I will change my mind. She seemed relieved. :-)

Louisiana Here I Come

Miss N is having a sonogram on the 27th and she has asked me to come with her. So I lucked out and was able to get a plane ticket that didn't cost a fortune. I will be flying to Louisiana on the 26th and coming back home on the 28th. Not much time there but long enough to have a little time with N and attend the doctors appointment. I'm excited about that.

Today when we talked on the phone we talked about names. She and I like very different types of names. That may be difficult. Ultimately I can pick whatever name I want but I would really like to find a name that we both are comfortable with and combines a little bit of all of us. So I'm breaking out the big name book to take on the plane with me. Maybe that will give me enough time to find the right name....

35 Days

Only 35 days until the baby is due. That is amazing to me. Only 35 days and this little person will enter such a big big world. And God willing that little person will know me as his or her mom! I've been talking with Miss N and I adore her. She is such a strong, funny, loving person. She reminds me a lot of myself at her age. Focused yet still a little lost. I'm so grateful I've been giving the opportunity to get to build a relationship with her. Now I can't imagine adopting any other way.

I've been working like crazy to get things in order around the house. Heather and I have cleared out the spare bedroom and we are breaking out the paint tonight. Our goal is to have it painted and decorated this weekend. Then we have to figure out how to get all that baby furniture put together. YIKES! Everything is falling into place.

Good Day

**** Updated****

Well "the expectant mother considering adoption" or Miss N as I will call her from now on has chosen me to parent her child! I couldn't be more thrilled. She is a really a phenomenal gal and I'm so excited to move forward and get to know her better. I'm also thrilled to become a mom! I had to lay my head down on the kitchen table and cry when they told me she wanted to move forward with the adoption plan. I'm gonna be a mom! That is so overwhelming to me!!! I'm gonna be a mom!

I forgot to tell you all that the expected due date is July 23rd! Just around the corner!!!

Conference Call

I just talked to my social worker and I'm scheduled to have a conference call with her and the birth mom at 1:30 today. I'm so stinking nervous! I've been nervous before but nothing like this!!! It's crazy. My stomach is churning and my heart is racing. And I still have two hours to wait. I do have a list of questions to ask her and I know she has a list of questions for me. Hopefully that will help me. If I get to nervous I can just revert back to the list. Good plan right!

Wish me luck.... No just wish me blessings...

New Opportunity

Well it's been a good week in adoption land. My profile is up on the web. I finished up all my education stuff and parenting plan so that is awesome! And most of all I got a call tonight about a possible adoption situation. The agency is presenting my information to a birthmom tomorrow and if she likes that then we will schedule a conference call. So things are moving along. God has a plan and it's starting to unfold!

Jessie

On The Web

Well it's been an odd couple days. I got so excited about the call I got and now I'm let down. The agency that was representing the birthmom doesn't work with singles so that match won't be happening. But I'm confident that the baby for me is out there! God knows the beginning and the end and I have faith that he will pick a better ending to this story than I ever could. So I push forward.

To get my profile out for more birthfamilies to see I'm now on the agency website. You can click here to see it! So if you know anyone that is interested in making an adoption plan for their baby you can send them that way!

Jessie

Eight Ball Rocks!!!

Okay the Eight Ball rocks. And so does God!!! I got a call today! The adoption agency called and they have a birth mom that is interested in me. She liked my profile and has some questions for me. So we need to get that arranged so we can meet and all that good stuff. But we have a step in the right direction. She is 7 months along now and has a doctor appointment tomorrow. YEAH!

So regardless of what decision she makes please pray for her and her baby. I hope that she can have some peace as she makes a decision and I hope that she and the baby get the care they need.

Jessie

Magic Eight Ball

Well today Darby and I did some shopping. We had to go to Toys R Us to get something for her son. They had a huge display of Magic Eight Balls. I hadn't seen a magic eight ball since I was a kid. I tried to stop myself but I couldn't. I had to pick one up and ask the question "Will I get a baby this week?"! And guess what the eight ball said!!!!!

It Is Certain

So since magic eight balls are so often accurate I'm thinking I will paint the nursery soon and maybe buy a car seat... :-)

Passport Fiasco

Well my big trip to Greece is canceled. I applied for my passport back in February but it still hasn't come. My sister and her best friend got their passports but my best friend Darby and I did not. So the other gals are leaving for Greece on Tuesday and Darby and I are going to hang out in good old Kansas!

I'm convinced that this happened for a reason and that I'm supposed to be here. So I keep telling myself it's because I'm going to get "the call". I emailed my social worker to let her know I wasn't taking my trip and would be able to be contacted at my regular numbers. I mentioned to her that if they happen to have any babies hanging out at the office this would be a great week for me to become a mom. :-)

While I'm so very disappointed about the trip being canceled I'm hopeful that the call will come this week. Greece is nothing compared to becoming a mom!

Shout Out Sunday

Found something cool that I have to tell you all about! There is a young lady named Leah that is behind the blog change4orphans.com. Leah has made it her mission to raise as many pennies as there are orphans in Africa. She is on quite the crusade and I found her mission to be inspiring. Leah may be young but she is wise beyond her years. Stop by her blog and pay her a visit. I hear she takes pennies! :-)

Waiting Is Not Fun

Well I'm just waiting now... I'm not good at waiting. I'm very good at doing. While all the paperwork is not so fun at least I felt like I was doing something to facilitate bringing my baby home. Now I'm just at the mercy of the adoption stork. Will the call come today or tomorrow or 6 months from now. Who knows! I just wait and wait some more.

I've got a big trip to Greece coming up. We leave the 29th of May and return on June 8th. So I'm hoping the call comes on say June 9th... That would be awesome. I have a feeling it won't work out all that easily though. :-)

Shoe Mission Update

Well last week I told you about Yoel, the little guy trying to get shoes for the people in his village in Ethiopia. Well Yoel is making great progress. His goal now is to get 200 pairs of crocs/clogs to take with him to Ethiopia in a couple months to give to all the people in his village. I asked you all to help by sending the shoes to Yoel. Several of you have done so and I thought you ought to see the happy guy that is opening all of your packages as they arrive.



If you feel moved to help Yoel accomplish his shoe mission you can send the crocs to Yoel Lees, 922 Bradford Greens CT NE, Grand Rapids, MI 49525. He is accepting all colors and sizes of crocs.

Thanks for considering it!

Jessie

Shoe Update

If you are interested in purchasing shoes to help out with Yoel's mission you can order any size or color. He is wanting to take as many shoes to the village as possible and there are adults and children in need of shoes. So whatever your heart desires to donate will be greatly appreciated.

Shoes

**********************UPDATE**********************

So far I have ordered 4 pairs of shoes.
My Aunt Betty has ordered 5 pairs of shoes.
Let's keep it going folks. Let's help Yoel help others!

*********************************************************


This story really touched my heart and I have to share it with you all. I participate in many adoption groups online and have met some wonderful people.

Lyvone is one of those people. Lyvone and her husband have 8 children. Yes 8! In the last year they brought home a boy and a girl from Ethiopia. While they were there they met two other children that touched their hearts. So in a couple of months they will be traveling back to Ethiopia to bring home two more children. Yes they will have 10 children!

They asked their 8.5 year old son Yoel what he would like to take to his village when they went back to visit and bring the other children home. This is what Yoel decided in Lyvone's words!

Yoel thought very hard and seriously about it and decided that since his feet are beginning to heal that all the kids in his village needed shoes too. I asked him what kind of shoes was he thinking of giving and he went to our shoe closet (which is large, with 8 kids!) and he pondered which shoes would be the best for the rocky and often wet conditions in their village. He decided, all on his own, that Crocs would be the best because they are durable (my word) and washable. He said in his cute little accent, "good shoes, wet okay, dry good, no socks if hot, yes sock if cold". I stood by the closet crying, knowing how blessed he feels to have 4 pair of shoes of his own.

How can we not bring 100 pair of shoes to this village? We were planning on bringing 5 suitcases of donations again anyway. That is 20 pair per suitcase and the shoes are very lightweight. We are hoping to hear from the Croc manufacturer soon about reduced pricing. So, along with our son and daughter we have started a 'Socks and Crocs for Ethiopia' campaign in our area. We just received an email from another adoptive family that traveled when we did, to pick up their new daughters, and they have already begun to receive shoe donations and even monetary donations to help us purchase the shoes and socks.

If anyone would like to contribute for this village by purchasing a pair of Crocs or a package of Socks, they can be sent to: Yoel Lees, 922 Bradford Greens CT NE, Grand Rapids, MI 49525.

I would encourage you all to consider sending a pair of crocs his way! Isn't that amazing!!!

I went online to www.payless.com I found their brand of crocs and ordered 4 pairs. Right now they are buy one get one half off. So for four pairs and the shipping it was right around 50 bucks. So worth it in my opinion. You can have them shipped right to Yoel that way. One pair costs about $12.00.

Let me know if you decided to send some shoes! I'd love to know how many pairs the group of people I love send!

Jessie

Change Of Plans

Well I'm a very organized person. I like to develop a plan, complete the tasks and then celebrate the end result. That's just how I work. I don't do much that is spontaneous. Well that's a changing!

Last Friday I got a very unexpected call. The social worker that did my home study called me. She explained that somehow they have ended up with no families on their waiting list for a newborn bi-racial or African American child. There is NO ONE! So she wondered if I would want to switch programs and pursue a domestic adoption.

I've had an interest in domestic adoption. I looked into it first. But every agency I talked with closed doors, didn't work with singles, or felt I wouldn't get matched with a baby in a timely fashion. So I went with the Ethiopia plan and I was thrilled with that.

But now that she called and explained the new information to me I felt pulled to pursue it. I felt like it was a sign from God that my child is here in the US. After much prayer I really felt like closing this door would be a mistake. So in a matter of hours I attended the domestic adoption seminar, completed new paperwork, and got on the waiting list.

I completed my profile last night and I'm awaiting approval on that. Once it is approved they will start presenting me to birth families and I will just wait for a call. Right now they are anticipating that I could have a baby home anywhere from a matter of weeks to twelve months. I have a feeling I'll be rocking a newborn by Christmas.

So now that I've put myself out there on this leap of faith I'm praying that things will go well. I have a strong feeling they will.

Jessie

Great Find

Today I came across a great magazine called Adoptive Families. They have some great articles and links on the website. And the subscription is pretty cheap. It's like $27.00 for a year. So I ordered it. I was impressed with some of their suggestions, information, etc on the site so it looks like the magazine should be pretty good. I'm looking forward to the first copy showing up in the mailbox.

Dossier

Well I received a call from Lauren at WHFC today. She received my dossier packet and said it looked good. They are requesting bank statements and a couple other financial documents to add to it. My income is low, being a social worker doesn't pay much, but I have a good amount of money in savings and investments which is good. So I need to prove I have that money. So I'll mail that stuff off to her tomorrow. They also need that approval from immigration and even though I stalk my mailbox it has yet to arrive. I'm not to concerned about it yet. It takes most people in Kansas about 6 weeks to get that approval and I just got fingerprinted on the 6th so I can't get to worked up about it yet. Nothing like waiting! I seem to do a lot of that....

Questions

I first posted this on my other blog Hunna's Happenings to address some questions and comments I have received. I thought I would just repost it here.

After my post about the adoption process I was going through I received many emails. Some of the emails had some valid questions that I will address. Some of the emails were rather negative and honestly completely ridiculous and I will not be addressing those. I have emailed back privately to everyone that emailed me. But I'm a firm believer that if one person has a question so do many others so I'm choosing to address the questions here also... Here we go!

Why Ethiopia?

I made the choice to adopt from Ethiopia many years ago. I've always wanted to adopt and Ethiopia was the country that fit best for me. It is important to me to include my child's native culture in their daily life in my home. I felt like I could include the Ethiopian culture in a meaningful way into our lives. I feel a connection to the country, the history, the people. So the question for me was "Why Not Ethiopia"?

Why Don't You Adopt A Kid From Foster Care in The US?

This is a wonderful question and a topic I am passionate about! I work in the child welfare arena. In fact my job involves matching children in foster care with adoptive families and finalizing those adoptions. I am a firm believer that every child deserves a forever family. I encourage people often to adopt from foster care. With that said it is important to me to keep my personal life and my professional life as separate as possible. At this point in my life adopting a child from foster care doesn't fit for me. I would like to adopt an infant and that isn't very likely in foster care. I also know that I could not handle having a child placed with me, bonding with that child, and then having that child returned to a biological parent. I want to parent a child full-time.

Why Don't You Pursue A Domestic Private Adoption?

Again another great question! This is an option that I considered and researched in depth. There are many barriers for me to adopt as a single woman in the US. One barrier is that most children placed for adoption are placed by young single mothers. Those mothers have the right to pick the family their child goes to. When that young mother looks at profiles of a bunch of happily married couples and a profile of me an accomplished, dedicated, stable single woman the couples are gonna win out the majority of the time. I talked with four agencies about this and 3 of the agencies allowed single woman to adopt but had never had a single woman picked by a bio family. The other agency didn't even allow singles to be considered. So no luck there.

How Much Are You Spending To Buy A Baby?

I personally don't like this question. First I'm not buying a baby I'm financing an adoption. Second, children are priceless! And finally if you are that interested in the cost of international adoption I urge you to Google it and low and behold you will find a wealth of information to answer this question. As a side note adopting from Ethiopia is cheaper than adopting domestically.

Don't kids need a dad?

I think fathers are amazing! I'm a big fan of mine. I think that a father is an important part of every child's life and this is an issue I've put much thought and prayer into. As much as a child needs a father they also need love. When I'm prepared to offer a stable loving home environment now should I make a child in need wait until I find a husband. I think not. I think an orphan would rather have a family than not. If I find a husband someday that is great. If not I'm going to do the best I can on my own, have strong male role models in place, and be grateful God gave me the ability to be successful on my own.

Why Don't You Just Have Your Own?

Not a big fan of this question either. I have always had a strong desire to build my family through adoption. I have planned to adopt since I was a teenager and I've also planned to have biological children someday too. However, I have PCOS and that makes pregnancy difficult. As a single person I didn't want to go through all the infertility treatments, in-vitro, etc and still have no guarantee of a baby. The adoption process in Ethiopia in very predictable. I know I will come home with a baby. I don't know that I will through artificial insemination. And as a single woman that values herself enough I don't just have sex with random men. I have yet to find a man that I feel I would want to parent a child with. Therefore I'm not going to take the steps to get pregnant until I find the right person to parent with.

So that's a few of the questions I received. I hope that clears up some questions and provides some legitimate answers. If you have other questions feel free to leave them in the comments. I would encourage all of you to read the book There Is No Me Without You. And of course I would encourage you all to pursue whatever form of becoming a parent is right for you.

Mission Accomplished

Well today was the mission to immigration and it went very well. I have to send a huge thank you to Bethany and Jeff! At 11:00 last night I was sending Bethany emails with questions about the forms I was filling out and she was firing answers back as quick as I sent questions. It's so nice to get help from someone that has already been there and done that! So thanks again!!!

Once Bethany got me straightened out on the forms the process at immigration was painless. We found the building easily and we were 45 minutes early and they got us right in. We actually completed everything about 5 minutes before our scheduled appointment. The nice thing was that they do the fingerprints electronically so now ink this time around!

When I got home from immigration I put together my dossier packet and have it ready to mail out in the morning. Then all I do is wait for the approval letter from Immigration and I fax that to my agency and then I'm on the waiting list. The paperchase is coming to an end. Thank goodness!!!

Appointment Set

Well since the FBI fingerprints came back my home study is officially finished. Now that it is completed I can get an appointment with immigration to get fingerprinted there and apply for approval. I had heard that it can take a long time to get an appointment and that they aren't flexible about scheduling and all kinds of other things. But that isn't the case at all. I was able to go online and schedule appointment for Heather and I for April 6th at 1:15. So Friday will be the big day. Hopefully it will be the last time we are fingerprinted in a very long time!!!

Jessie

Happy Mail

Today when I ran to the mailbox and flung open the door there was happy mail!!! Our FBI fingerprint clearance arrived. So I faxed them over to my local agency and they will finish up the homestudy and overnight it to me. Then we will schedule an appointment with immigration for more fingerprints. Fun times. We are getting closer to the end of the paperchase. Oh Happy Day!!!

What's funny is that not only one set of fingerprints came back but two came back today. So even though the FBI supposedly lost our first set we got the results of those today as well as the results for the second set I sent two weeks ago. And shockingly they cashed both of my checks. Nothing like getting screwed a little bit by the good old FBI. I'm just grateful they came back at this point! I want to move forward!!!

No Fingerprints

Still no fingerprint approval. Everyday I run to the mailbox and check. I know I'm obsessing. But I just want them to show up so I can move forward in the process. I'm ready to move on to the next phase. I feel like I've been stuck in this spot for awhile now. So maybe we didn't say the prayer enough. Let's practice again folks!

Please let the fingerprints arrive, please let the fingerprints arrive, please let the fingerprints arrive!

Home Study Done.... Kinda

Well my home study is done... Kinda! The write up is all complete and it looks great. All they are waiting on is the dang FBI clearance. Once I get that they will finalize the home study and we can schedule a time to go to immigration for fingerprints. I just keep hoping and praying that the FBI stuff will arrive soon. Every day I run to the mailbox and check first thing when I get home. I just want them to show up so bad!

Let's all do the prayer together. Fingerprints arrive, fingerprints arrive, fingerprints arrive!!!

More Fingerprints

Well the FBI has seemed to misplaced our fingerprints! I sent them express mail with a tracking number on February 6th. I can follow the package online and it is in their facility. However they still can't find them. I've emailed and emailed and their response to me is to "Be patient, they get 400-600 emails a day." Nice, obviously they have never waited on someone else to do their job so that they could be a parent. I'm not pleased. At this point I'm beginning to think they aren't going to find the first set of prints. So we have gotten fingerprinted again.

My sister Heather is just amazing! This girl has now been fingerprinted twice for a baby that isn't even hers. She seriously has to get the most amazing aunt award. I promised her that she will get hand print Turkey's, refrigerator art, and adorable pictures for the rest of her life for doing all this. Surprisingly that is enough for her! So now that we are re fingerprinted they will be sent out tomorrow morning. Then we are waiting another 2-3 weeks supposedly to get them back.

Once the prints are back my agency can finish my home study and then we will have to get fingerprinted again by immigration. Good times!

Class

My sister, Heather, who is prepping herself to be the bestest aunt in the world went with me this weekend to an adoption class. I had to take it as part of the home study process and she went as my support person. She will also be going with me to Ethiopia when I travel to bring home the baby. She is such a great sister! I'm really blessed.

Anyway the class was GREAT! We were very impressed with the amount of helpful information we were given. Lots of information about bonding and attachment, developmental delays that are possible, adoption supports, cultural issues, etc. It really was a great class. We learned so much more than we thought we would. Very fun.

Most of all the connections we made were so worth the trip. We met one other couple adopting from Ethiopia and a single woman also adopting from Ethiopia. Very nice to meet some families that are fairly close by that will also have children from the same country. I'm hoping we can stay in contact and get together once all of our children are home. It would be a great support.

So that's what I know for the time being. Please pray that our fingerprint clearance from the FBI comes back soon. That is the only thing we are waiting on for our home study to be complete!

So Fast

I am working on getting my dossier packet together. I have to have my completed homestudy before I send it in to my agency but there are other documents that I'm collecting now so it will be all ready on the 15th when my home study should be done. One of the forms I need had to be notorized and then certified by the state. So I mailed that form on Tuesday hoping that I could get it back by the 15th. Well Thursday I came home for lunch and checked the mail and the certification was in my mail box!!!! It was actually less that 48 hours! I mailed it out around 4:15 on Tuesday and got it back before noon Thursday. There was a little post it note on the forms that said "Best Wishes on Your Adoption and God Bless You". How sweet is that! It made my day! It really is amazing to me how kind people are when they find out I'm adopting. I've had so many people be so helpful. I'm truly amazed! There are nice people in the world. Now if only my homestudy could get done a little faster!

Great!

The homestudy appointment went great! I'm so thrilled. Amy the social worker is really fun. We clicked well. She told me that I'm approved with flying colors! She said I'm the youngest single person she has worked with but she feels like I'm very realistic about single motherhood and she thinks I will be a great mom. She said she is impressed by my support system, my sense of humor, and my maturity. YIPPEEEEE!!!!

So Many Emotions

Wow I'm feeling so many emotions right now. I'm really excited about my home study appointment tomorrow. I really enjoy my social worker and I am enjoying this process so I'm looking forward to the next meeting. Honest I am!

But I'm also very sad tonight and a bit angry. My mom died in September and she was my biggest fan and bestest friend. I know that if she was alive she would be over here tonight helping me do all the finishing touches to the house. She would probably hide in my closet tomorrow so she could overhear the whole meeting and she would be so excited about a grandchild! But she isn't here and that just makes me so very sad. I miss her so much and as I go through this process I feel at times close to here and at other times so very far away. It's just overwhelming. And honestly I feel angry that she isn't here. She was an amazing mother and very young and she was robbed of her life and we were robbed of her and that makes me pretty mad sometimes.

I also feel guilty. I have been saving money since I was 16 to adopt. I've wanted to adopt internationally since I was a little girl and I started saving my babysitting money and have saved ever since. However, I was still short about $7000. Then my mom died and I got an inheritance. So I had the money to move forward with my dream. And while I know she wanted me to do this as we had numerous conversations about it I feel guilty. I feel like I'm trading in a way. I don't have my mom but because she died I can afford to adopt a baby. I know that is unfair and not at all accurate but sometimes feelings don't make sense.

So needless to say I'm feeling very overwhelmed tonight! So many emotions and so little time. I have a bathroom to clean and need to get on it. No time for sitting around feeling sorry for myself tonight!

This is a picture of my mom and I in September just a few days before she passed away.

Appointment Scheduled

I talked with Amy, my local home study social worker on Friday. She is able to come to do my home study visit on Tuesday morning at 9:00! I can't believe she can fit me in this week. Now I'm really excited. It looks like we are on track for my homestudy to be done right around March 14th. So actually we are ahead of the schedule I originally started with. So I'm very very pleased!!!

Support

I'm so lucky to be blessed with such an amazing support system. I wouldn't even be considering adopting as a single mom if I didn't have a lot of support from friends and family but they still amaze me from time to time. The people I work with really go above and beyond for me. They have just kind of jumped in and are taking this journey with me and I just love them for that.

I'm actually employed in child welfare and I coordinate adoptions for children in foster care. So everyone at the office thinks it's pretty shocking that I wanted to try to adopt on my own. I think they figured I get enough of the adoption paperwork at work let alone doing it at home. But they are already talking baby showers and getting excited so it should be a fun thing.

One day when we were talking about the whole process at lunch one of the girls mentioned that around mid Feburary was probably when my baby would be conceived. If you do the math for how long I'm expecting to wait and all of that she probably isn't to far off. So we started joking that this would be my best Valentine's Day ever. Someone would be getting pregnant with my baby!

So yesterday I got this email from Tara and the subject was Happy Late Conceiving Day! And this is what the message said. "I forgot to tell you yesterday, but congratulations on your new lil' Ethi. baby being created yesterday! Woo hoo!"

That just cracked me up! Thank God I have friends with a sense of humor!!!

Jessie

Packet Arrived

Well I got a call today from my home study agency. They received my home study packet and said that everything looked good. My social worker will call me Friday to set up the appointment for the home visit. So that makes me feel good. One more thing checked off the list!

I did get our KBI background checks back tonight. So it's official that neither Heather or I are criminals and are safe to be around kids. Who knew Heather would have to get background checks to be an aunt. The things sister's will do for you! Most of the time other family members don't have to have the background checks but since Heather claims my house as her permanent address since she is in college she has to go through the whole thing with me. She is a great sport. She will do anything to be an aunt. Gotta love her for that!

Jessie

Mailed Out

Well I got my home study mailed out. It is on the way to my local adoption agency. They should receive it tomorrow by 3:00. The social worker should get in touch with me this week to schedule a home visit. I'm hoping we can do that next week or the week after. Well I would love it if we could do it this week but that isn't likely so I'm going with next week... Trying to stay realistic here!

Jessie

Tracking

I'm slowly learning some tricks to ease my mind a little through this process. I have learned that overnight mail with tracking makes me a calmer person. It costs a little more but it is worth every dime! I had to mail our fingerprints to the FBI this week and it was so nice to be able to track them. I didn't have to worry about things getting lost. I have finally finished the home study paperwork so I'll be mailing that out on Monday! I'm tracking that package too. It would make me sick if it got lost. I'm just so relieved to have the home study paperwork done. I feel like it moves me one step closer to bringing home baby...

Jessie

The Beginning

Well it's the beginning of a new blog and the beginning of my journey to become a mom! After many years of dreaming I have finally taken the plunge into the amazing world of international adoption. I will be adopting a baby from Ethiopia! I've already decided on an agency locally that will be handling my homestudy and post adoption supervision. And I have choosen an agency to arrange the international adoption as well.

So now I'm filling out papers like crazy! I'm a mom on a mission!