But I'm also very sad tonight and a bit angry. My mom died in September and she was my biggest fan and bestest friend. I know that if she was alive she would be over here tonight helping me do all the finishing touches to the house. She would probably hide in my closet tomorrow so she could overhear the whole meeting and she would be so excited about a grandchild! But she isn't here and that just makes me so very sad. I miss her so much and as I go through this process I feel at times close to here and at other times so very far away. It's just overwhelming. And honestly I feel angry that she isn't here. She was an amazing mother and very young and she was robbed of her life and we were robbed of her and that makes me pretty mad sometimes.
I also feel guilty. I have been saving money since I was 16 to adopt. I've wanted to adopt internationally since I was a little girl and I started saving my babysitting money and have saved ever since. However, I was still short about $7000. Then my mom died and I got an inheritance. So I had the money to move forward with my dream. And while I know she wanted me to do this as we had numerous conversations about it I feel guilty. I feel like I'm trading in a way. I don't have my mom but because she died I can afford to adopt a baby. I know that is unfair and not at all accurate but sometimes feelings don't make sense.
So needless to say I'm feeling very overwhelmed tonight! So many emotions and so little time. I have a bathroom to clean and need to get on it. No time for sitting around feeling sorry for myself tonight!
This is a picture of my mom and I in September just a few days before she passed away.
2 comments:
That must be really sad for you. We paid for two of our adoptions via an inheritance from my husband's dad, who died unexpectedly. It was a very mixed-up feeling...we decided to look at it as the only good thing that came from his death...
Mary, mom to many, including 2 from Ethiopia
Interesting to know.
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