Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Blog Carnival Update

Lots of people are having trouble submitting posts for the blog carnival through the widget. So to make it easier you can just click here to go to the carnival submission form. The link will take you directly to the form and you just have to fill it out and your post is entered. It's very easy. Hopefully that will help.

I will post the blog carnival on Friday so please come back to visit. So far I have several really great entries. I'd love to have more though. If you would be willing to put a post about the carnival on your blog to direct your readers that would be awesome. I look forward to sharing the entries with you Friday!

Silly Photo

Julie over at And The Rest is History is having a silly photo contest. You can learn more about it by checking out this post. My favorite silly photo that I've taken recently is of my niece Miss Mattie. She is always getting into something and it just cracks me up.

Monday, January 28, 2008

The Little Seed

I'm really hooked on the store The Little Seed. They have really great organic products for children. They have clothes and bedding, toys and bottles. I've ordered a few things from their online site and I'm really excited for them to arrive. So far I've ordered these things.


The organic green to grow bottles.



And this cool CD with lullabies from around the world.

I'm just excited anytime I can find organic products. The whole lead based paint recall has me freaked out. It worries me to think what might be in the products that are so common for our children to use. While organic and natural can be a little more expensive I think the peace of mind is worth it. So the little seed is my newest shopping ground.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Accepting Submissions

Okay I'm needing a little boost to my mood, a little zip to my step, a little light in my fire. So I'm asking for your help in doing that. I'm going to host another adoption blog carnival. I'm looking for your posts about adoption. They can be funny, they can be happy, they can be sad, they can be informative. I just want as many of you to submit posts as possible. Something that has always made me feel good about adoption is the way everyone supports one another in the blogging community. So lets see how many posts we can get and how many new people we can meet! The carnival will be posted on February 1st. So you just need to enter your submission by the 31st. You can submit a post by clicking on the widget to the right of this blog post. Let's get blogging folks!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

No Baby

I hate making these posts but I get to do it once again. Since I hate these posts so much I'm going to crosspost the same thing to both blogs. It saves me the little bit of sanity I have left.

At 12:30 A.M on Tuesday I got the call that Miss T was in labor. I made the frantic middle of night disoriented drive to the hospital. I made it in time to witness the birth of an amazing little boy and cut the cord at 4:30 A.M. To say it was a miracle is an understatement. Miss T and her family and the hospital staff were wonderful to me. I had a security band so I could be with the baby and take him to and from the nursery, I was able to have a private room and kept him with me the first 24 hours of his life. Heather and Darby were with us and were able to hold and love on him too. He was precious.

This morning when the time came to sign relinquishments mom choose to parent rather than move forward with the adoption. So yet again I packed up our things, kissed a sweet boy goodbye, and had to call the people I loved and tell them one more time never mind. I've heard all the platitudes, said all the prayers and cried more tears then I ever dreamed. But I'm home now and I'm without a baby but I'm really not alone.

Heather came home with me for awhile. She headed back home to go to school late this afternoon, Darby took a shift with me and Shawn, Amanda and Mattie did the dinner and evening shift. I'm gonna head to bed shortly and I'm looking forward to some rest in my own bed.

I won't lie I want to lay down on the nursery room floor and bawl. I want to throw things and scream and fight and give up. But I won't. I think back to my mom and how she fought for us. She adopted me after many miscarriages and she had a very tough pregnancy with Heather when doctors told her she would never carry a baby to term. And then she fought our whole lives to give us what we needed and be the mom God wanted her to be. And then when she found out she had pancreatic cancer and was going to die she fought till the end to stay with us. She didn't want to leave her children. It was her job to be with us so she fought and fought and fought.

She fought for her children because that is what mothers do. And I know that I will be a mother and I will fight until I have those children and I will fight till the day I die to be their mother. So instead of laying down and giving up I'm going to go back in that nursery and I'm going to pray to God that he will give me the strength to fight and wait and become the mother I'm meant to be.

Jessie

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Progress

Miss T went to the doctor yesterday and she is now dilated to a 4 and 90% effaced. So she is making progress. While she has some contractions they aren't consistent yet. So the doctor thinks she will probably deliver this week but isn't sure. It really depends on the contractions getting regular and consistent. So the only thing we know for sure is this little guy is still doing well and will make a debut some day.

Today I had an appointment with my attorney. He is a really nice guy. Since his office is in Kansas City my best friend Darby went with me and we made a day of it. We did some shopping, had lunch, went to my appointment and then hit the Cheesecake Factory for some wonderful dessert. It was a fun day.

Throughout this whole adoption process I've had either Heather, my sister, or Darby go with me to all my appointments. I don't mind doing it on my own but it's nice to have a second person there. Between two of us we remember to ask all the questions and we are more likely to remember the answers. I'm lucky to have such supportive friends and family. What we have started noticing though is that people automatically think we are lesbians when we go to the appointments together. It's funny to us now but at first it kind of threw us off. The attorney today was the most discreet and appropriate in asking us though. We were very impressed.

I think it's so funny that we are now living in 2008 and some people still think it's odd for a woman to adopt or parent on their own. It just makes sense to me to do this now even though I'm not married. While I would love to be married some day and while I would love to share my life and have children with someone I also don't want to wait. I figure I will develop my life the way I want it and if a man comes along that fits in that plan that's great. But if he never does that's okay too. I'm good on my own. I have a life I'm pleased with and a group of people that love and support me. That's all I need right now.

And thank God I have them all around while I WAIT this out. Waiting is more fun in groups I've found...

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

So Weird

Okay this is really weird. I've had a feeling that Miss T will have this little boy on the 21st. It's Martin Luther King Jr. Day which I think would be a cool birthday. My sister would be able to be there with me since she doesn't have school which would be great. So I keep thinking it will be the 21st. What's crazy is that when I viewed the post I did a few minutes ago I saw my little ticker. I've been officially homestudy ready and waiting for a baby for 8 month 3 weeks and 2 days today. If this little boy arrived on the 21st it would mark the 9 month point of waiting. The perfect pregnancy length! Wouldn't that be amazing. Do you think that's a sign or am I reading to much into it...... Oh man I really need to not think about signs. Like I don't go crazy enough in my mind without worrying about things like that...

Lawyers

Today I got a call from the adoption agency that I need to retain a lawyer to do my portion of the adoption. So I called my attorney and scheduled a meeting. Since we are so close to the due date he actually booked me for Saturday afternoon. He said he didn't have any regular openings during the week until the start of February and he didn't want to wait that long.

While Miss T is due on February 8th she will probably deliver early. Last Friday at her doctor's appointment she was already dilated to a 2 and was 80% effaced. The doctor says that she expects her to deliver anytime. So getting all the legal stuff in place in a hurry is important. Miss T meets with her attorney tomorrow. When I talked to her today she was feeling good, having a few contractions, but mainly worried about getting everything in place since he might debut early. She kept asking me if I was ready. I think I'm as ready as I can get without being to overly excited. It's so hard to prepare but remain detached. I'm beginning to think that's not possible. So I'm just trying to have faith that this will work out the way it's supposed to.

Pray for us all please... Lord knows we need it!

Friday, January 11, 2008

It's A Match

The meeting with Miss T went very well today. We were both really comfortable with one another. She is a beautiful girl and a really great mom to her two year old twins! They are also adorable. Full of energy and lots of fun! We met for a couple of hours and talked most of the time. She had quite a few really good questions for me. I also got to meet her grandmother, sister, brothers, and a cousin. They were also very nice.

So at this point we both feel comfortable moving forward with an adoption plan. I'm trying my best to remain cautiously optimistic this time. I don't want to get too excited until he is here and the paperwork is signed. I don't want to pressure her or get too worked up. I am just very pleased that we both seemed to be on the same page about ongoing contact and what the future would look like. It gives me hope that we could potentially have a very positive open adoption. I was also thrilled that she liked the names I have picked out. I had a list of my top five boy names and she liked two of them. I also like the name that she had picked. So we are going to use one of my picks for the first name and her name for the middle name. So compromise it is.

That's what I know for today. The rollar coaster ride is just beginning. It's going to be a long month I believe!

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Meeting

I have a meeting with an expectant mother on Friday! My social worker contacted me yesterday with the information. She is due the beginning of February and wants to meet with me to talk about things. She liked my profile but has some questions about openness and my ideas on baby names. So we are going to meet on Friday for lunch with the social worker and see how it goes. I'm not getting all worked up this time. These meetings are not as overwhelming for me as they were before. In fact I like meeting with the expectant parents a lot. It's been fun getting to know them and learn more about them. I will probably love it even more when an adoption actually goes through and I can look back at it... Who knows! But that's the deal for today. I'll post on Friday and let you know how it goes.

Jessie

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

New Year

I woke up on New Year's Day really excited. I have a feeling that this is the year that I'll become a mom. There are 365 days ahead of me that God can make that miracle happen in. I have no doubt that it will. One way or another I will have a little person in my life by this time next year. I don't know if that little person will be from Ethiopia or if they will be from here but somehow they will come into my life. That makes me feel really good. I would love it if they showed up tomorrow but just knowing it will be sometime this year makes me happy. 2008 is the year for me to become a mom. I hope it's the year all your adoption dreams come true also!