Last Chance

The Adoption Journey Blog Carnival will be here on November 1st. So this is the last chance to get posts submitted if you would like to participate. To submit a post please look at the widget on the right and click on the submit an article link. Then you just fill in the info! Please submit your articles before 10:00 p.m. on October 31st.

Let's have a fun carnival!!!

Waiting Is My Game!

Well Miss N delivered a very healthy baby boy yesterday. She and the baby are doing very well. The paternity tests show that the baby is her husbands and they will be parenting him. So no baby for me right now but I'm really okay. I'm not just a little okay, I'm not just saying I'm okay. I really am okay! I knew going into this situation that there were many unknowns and a big risk and that helped. I really feel like this has been a great experience. Meeting her was wonderful and a fun time. And meeting the folks at a new agency is a good thing. Now that they know me I know they will keep me in mind for other situations so that is always good!

So no crying this time! That's a good thing. It could always be worse. And now I'm back to waiting which I'm getting good at. I'm learning all the time and I really feel like I'm growing through this process. All of this is going to make me a really super mom one day! I know God has some great plan and I'm just so excited to see it unfold one day soon.

Labor Pains

I met with the expectant mom on Friday. She is also Miss N. I think it's so funny that every expectant mom I match with has a name that starts with N. I guess it's consistent right...

She is a really funny girl. She has a great sense of humor. She is also incredibly smart and concerned about making a plan for her child's future. She asked me some of the best questions. And she told me a lot about her that she would want the child to know. She has put a lot of thought into her plan and seems really mature beyond her years to me.

She started having contractions during our meeting so we thought the baby might make a debut over the weekend. Her contractions were four minutes apart but after a trip to the hospital they stopped. So the waiting game continues. She is just miserable and really ready to have this little person. If she doesn't have him naturally by Tuesday then they will induce her Tuesday morning.

Hopefully I will be able to give you all some good news soon!

Nervous

I've got butterflies in my tummy as I type. I'm so so nervous to even blog about this because I'm afraid I will jinx it. But I blog about everything and I'm not gonna let my nerves stop me now.

I've been talking with the adoption agency for the past week and there is an expectant mother that has decided she would like for me to possibly adopt her baby. It's a strange situation actually. The baby is due on Friday and after the baby is born there needs to be a paternity test done. The paternity test will determine if we can move forward with an adoption plan. So while my last adoption was 50/50 this one is even more risky. But I feel good and hopeful and open to whatever this situation holds. I actually feel pretty calm about it. I have faith that God knows the plan and is in control and I'm just along for the ride...

What I'm most nervous about is the let down if it doesn't work out. Not the let down for me but for the people that care about me. I hate disappointing them so I'm hoping that things work out so I don't have to call them and say oh never mind... I hate that part!

So anyways that's the deal. We will see what the future holds. If you are a praying person I wouldn't mind if you said a little one for me...

Panic in my Heart

I had a meeting at work on Friday morning that started at 9:00 and lasted till 11:00. Well when I got out of the meeting and went to my office my cell phone was beeping at me. I flipped it open and see 7 missed calls all from one of the adoption agencies I've talked with. So of course I scream and call them back.

It seems they have a potential situation that they want to present my profile on and wanted my permission. The expectant mom is due soon so they were in a hurry to get it shown and that's why they called so many times. I told them it would be fine to show the profile. I also explained to the social worker that I appreciated her being so diligent but in the future if it's just a maybe or a I wanna show your profile call she should only call twice. When I see seven missed calls I'm convinced that she is on the way to my house with a baby and it strikes panic in my heart.

She laughed like crazy and promised not to do that in the future. She actually said it didn't cross her mind that I would think that. That silly gal. Of course it is rational to freak out and immediately think a baby is coming when there are more than five calls. :-)

Adoption Journey Blog Carnival

I'm now accepting submissions for the second Adoption Journey Blog Carnival. All you need to do is submit a post through the blog carnival widgit on the right hand side of my blog. After you do that please put a post on your blog telling others about the carnival and how to enter. We had 15 submissions last time so for the November 1st carnival I'd love to see 20. I'd also like to see some posts adoptees, first families, siblings of adopted children, etc. We didn't have any of those entries last time and it would be cool to include them and show all sides of adoption. Hope you all have time to enter!

Cool Blog, Cool Family

I found a really great blog today! I stumbled upon it, thought I'd read the most recent posts and then come back to visit again. Well before I knew it an hour had past and I had read months worth of posts. I was HOOKED! This family really touched my heart. Someday I hope that I have a home filled with children like they do. So please go visit too by clicking here.

The Plan

Bethany asked me awhile back in a comment what adoption plan I'm currently on. Lord knows I've tried about everything at this point right. So she and everyone else can pray with some specifics here is the run down.

I'm still on the wait list with my international agency for an Ethiopia adoption. This is where I started and I still feel a strong connection to Ethiopia and this path. Right now I'm like 5 1/2 months waiting with that agency. The wait time for families requesting either gender 12 months or younger is running 14 months. I figure by the time I would get close to the top of the list it would be about 16/17 months. Just trying to be realistic.

I am also open to a private domestic adoption. If you have read my blog for long you will know I had a failed domestic adoption in July. While that was hard I really enjoyed that process. I loved getting to know Miss N and I so loved being able to be there when Roman was born, holding him, loving him, getting to meet him right away. While there was heart break involved it was part of my process and I have no regrets. If another domestic situation appeared I would not pass it down! However, I'm not currently involved with any particular agency regarding that plan. Several agencies around Kansas have my information and present it to expectant families but no real plan or match exists at this time.

As far as pursuing a pregnancy at this time it's just not an option. My health is not stable enough for that. While my diabetes is in better control my kidneys are not functioning at a capacity that would be healthy during a pregnancy. The risk of losing one or both kidneys is just to great. However, that does not mean that someday in the future I wouldn't be willing to revisit the idea. I'm really trying to get healthy! I'm following a healthy diet, exercising, and taking all my meds even thought I HATE them and the side effects. My goal is not to end up getting well enough to attempt a pregnancy. My goal is to develop a healthy plan so I can be the best mother I can be.

Honestly I don't care if I adopt from Ethiopia or from the US. I want to bring a baby home. Most of all I want to raise a child that God has planned for me. I know that he is working on preparing me and a baby for one another. I don't know where that little baby is right now but I have complete faith that someday they will end up living in my house and my heart...

So that's where I'm at. Pray away my friends!

Tagged

Bethany tagged me with this and I just love to play along so here goes...

Jobs I've had:

Fast food worker- In High School
Telemarketer- In High School
Assistant at a Drug Treatment Facility
Adoption Coordinator for Children in Foster Care
Family Support Worker for Children in Foster Care
Aftercare Specialist for children just getting out of Foster Care
Permanency Supervisor for Foster Care/Adoption

The last three were promotions within the same company. I've been there awhile now...

Places I've Lived

Kansas
Kansas
Kansas

I don't move....

Food I love

Mexican
Chinese
Ice cream
Cheesy Potatoes
Spaghetti
Bread

No wonder my butt is so big...

Places I'd rather be

No where. I'm pretty pleased with where I'm at.

Favorite TV Shows

Grey's Anatomy
ER
Private Practice
The Biggest Loser
American Idol
Days of Our Lives
Dr. Phil
Journey Man
Army Wives

Okay I watch way to much TV!!!

Books I love!

This Much I Know Is True
To Kill A Mockingbird
Out of the Wild
What Crazy Looks Like On An Ordinary Day
Anything by James Patterson, Stephan King, Dean Koontz, or Patricia Cornwell

People I'm Tagging

Anyone that wants to play along.

Outgoing Mail

When Miss N had baby Roman I promised her that I would send her copies of all the pictures I took that day. When I got home without Roman I wasn't sure exactly what to do with them. I couldn't just delete them, I couldn't put them up somewhere around the house, and I didn't know if I should contact her to mail them. Well now that time has passed and I'm tired of looking at the package sitting on my desk I am mailing them out to her tomorrow. I'm sending all the pictures including the one's with Heather and I in them. I figure she can decide what to do with them now. I just feel like if I made the promise I need to follow through regardless of how the situation turned out.

So this is the note I put in the card with the pictures.

"Miss N-

Here are copies of all the pictures I took the day the baby was born. I promised to send them to you and I do apologize for the delay. I wish I could have spoken to you at the hospital and told you good bye. I hate that things were left the way they were. I'm so blessed that you included Heather and I in such a miracle. What a beautiful baby boy. I'm blessed that I was able to watch his debut into the world. I have a feeling he will do great things. I think of you, little C, and the baby often. I pray that you all are well. Best wishes to each of you in the future.

Much Love
Jessie"

So that's it. I don't know if she will respond or not. In fact I don't need a response. I just needed some closure. While I still miss Roman I also really miss Miss N. She and I spent much time on the phone getting to know one another. I miss knowing her. She really is a marvelous girl. And I do pray for them and think of them often. I so hope that they are doing okay and have the support they need. This world has been tough on Miss N and I pray that things are easing and she is well.

What do you think? Do you think it's okay to send the pics? Do you think I'm overstepping my bounds? I don't know the rules for this type of thing and I'm just playing along in the best way I know how...

Baby Baby

There are little babies everywhere in my world right now. Several of my friends are expecting and we are planning their baby showers. And one of my friends just had a beautiful little boy last week. He is so adorable and snuggly. We think he is a keeper. All these little people arriving into the world makes me so excited to bring a little person home. I look forward to having my child be surrounded by other children close in age. The fact that so many of my friends are having kids is nice. It means I'll always have a parenting buddy. I figure if they have their chidlren first then I can always seek them out for advice. And in the mean time I have lots of little ones to hold and practice with. Fun times!

Visiting Friends

I would encourage all of you to head over to Mommy Monsters, Inc. This is a really fun blog. For those of you that had fun with my carnival Heidi will be hosting another blog carnival on her blog. It should be fun. I've already signed up and I'm looking forward to visiting that carnival as well as hosting another one here on Novemeber 1st. It's carnival crazy folks!

What I Didn't Know

Man when I started this adoption journey I was so naive. And I work in child welfare and I'm adopted. I should have known better. But I really thought this would all start and I would get the perfect match and I'd paint a nursery and buy cute clothes and then in no time at all a wonderful little baby would be in my arms.

There are so many things I didn't know. I didn't know how much paperwork was involved... I didn't know how many people were involved, social workers, references, facilitators, etc... I didn't know how much frustration, agony, tears, and heart ache were involved... I didn't know how much money and time and energy would be spent....

But most of all I didn't know how strong I was. I didn't know I was strong enough to do this. I didn't know I could wait like this. I didn't know how supportive my friends and family would be. I didn't know how much faith I would have to put in God and how much peace I would find in prayer. I didn't know how many great people were out there that I would get to know and care about. I didn't know how much I wanted to be a mom. The lengths we go to in this journey to parenthood. I'm glad I didn't know what this would be like. I'm glad I was naive. I'm glad I'm doing this with so many other people.

Adoption Journey Blog Carnival: Edition 1

"The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. "-

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The journey of adoption is always long and often bumpy. For those of us on that journey our friends and family are a huge support! Many of us have been fortunate to find support from others on the journey through blogs. To celebrate that I started this blog carnival as a way to connect with one another and get to know other adoption bloggers. I hope that you will take the time to visit one another, leave comments, share encouragement and come back to visit again!

"Sometimes its not the child we carry that belongs to us but the child we have in our hearts. "

-Pickel

Pickel presents USCIS, I Wish You Knew Me posted at My Two Boys.

Suzanne presents holding time posted at :: adventures in daily living ::.

William presents William & John's adoption story: What we've done so far... posted at William & John's adoption story.

Jenna presents The EpiBlog posted at The EpiBlog at InconceivableJourney.

"A Birthmother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart" Unknown

Dawn presents Family Found: Differences posted at Family Found.

Emily presents t-shirts posted at soli deo gloria.

Heidi presents When Moms Grieve: The Dark Side of Adoption posted at Mommy Monsters Inc..

Jocelyn presents Becoming Carey! posted at My Ethiopian Princess.

"Somehow destiny comes into play. These children end up with you and you end up with them. It's something quite magical." Nicole Kidman

Julie presents Happy BirthMother's Day!!! posted at My Journey to Family.

Katy presents Referral Shmeeshmerral posted at Straight Magic.

Kerri presents Attachment and a physics lesson posted at Kerri's journey to mommyhood.

Malía's Mama presents Mama... (entry # 280) posted at Journey to My Daughter (and as of March 19th, Journeying with my Daughter).

"I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him." -1 Samuel 1:27

Jeni presents Tim and Jeni's Ethiopian Adoption: first post! posted at Tim and Jeni's Ethiopian Adoption.

Jessie presents Home Sweet Home posted at Hunna's Happenings.

Jenny presents Adoption Fundraising posted at Days of My Life as a WAHM.

I hope that you have enjoyed the carnival. The next Adoption Journey Carnival will take place on Novemeber 1st. It will be hosted here unless someone else would like to host it on their blog. If you are interested in hosting please feel free to contact me. To submit an article for the next carnival please enter it here. Thanks again for visiting and best wishes in your adoption journey!!!